Fearless?

I recently purchased a necklace from a trendy jewelry company in California. It features a nickel-sized burnished gold pendant on which is printed the word fearless. You can choose any word you like for your imprint, but the company's website has a rather long list of suggestions. As I scanned through the list,  fearless jumped off the page at me. Why? It is not that I honestly believe I am somehow immune to fear. Rather, it is a statement of faith. You see, for many years fear was my constant state of being.

I loved the necklace as soon as I opened the box, and I have been wearing it often. However, I did wonder what other people might think if they looked closely enough to read the word. Would they think I was being arrogant or prideful? Really, how many of us are truly fearless? Well, I've come a long way toward not worrying as much about what other people think about me, but I still wondered.

I've read articles from authors reminding me that the goal of the Christian life is not fearlessness. Fair enough, I get it. Love is really what it's all about. But when we are transformed by love, the most amazing thing happens -- fear can't stand where love abounds. It's right there in 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." The truth is, I knew these words in my mind, and repeated them often, but I didn't understand them with my heart.

Of course, none of us are perfected in love -- yet. The path of love is a journey that lasts our entire lives, if we are willing. For years, I thought that if I could just focus my mind enough on God's promises, then my heart would respond accordingly. I found myself disappointed again and again. Disappointed that I couldn't love the way I desired. Disappointed that I couldn't step out of fear. Disappointed in my own weakness.

In my late twenties, following a particularly rough period in my life, I was diagnosed with OCD. I don't mean that I just liked to have all the picture frames on my walls perfectly straight or that I compulsively organized my closet. (I suspect the latter would have been enthusiatically welcomed by my husband.) No, this was a degree of fear unlike any I had ever imagined. My thoughts and my behavior were irrational, and although I could recognize this at times, I was powerless to do anything about it. Fear became the driving force in my life to the point that it consumed the outgoing, confident and generally optimistic person I had once been. Fear was my constant companion.

What changed? Little by little, as my heart received healing, I began to encounter a love so powerful that fear could no longer remain. And it didn't begin in my mind. When you can't control your own thoughts, how on earth is that supposed to happen? The love that I found is a substance that entered my heart and then began to renew my mind. As the author Bob Goff would put it, I discovered that I was "becoming love."

So my pendant is not intended to imply that I've got it all figured out or that I don't ever have moments of fear or doubt. Heaven knows it would be a real miracle if I suddenly lost my fear of snakes. But what I do know with absolute certainty is that fear no longer rules my life. I am freer now than I have ever been. When fear begins to creep in, I have a wellspring of love from which to draw confidence, and I wouldn't have it any other way.