I’ve
been a lover of Narnia since I was ten-years-old, long before I became a
Christian. The magic just grabbed me and pulled me in. After becoming a
Christian in college, I revisited Narnia and discovered that it had taken on a
whole new dimension, a depth that of course I had missed as a ten-year-old.
Many Christians I know have a favorite
chronicle. For my husband, it is The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. He
identifies strongly with the selfish and disobliging Eustace Scrubb being
“undragoned” by Aslan. Not that my husband was really ever selfish and
disobliging, but he recognizes the magnitude of the work that God did to bring
healing into his own life.
For
me, there’s just something about The
Silver Chair that resonates deeply. At its core, it is a story about the dangers
of unforgiveness. The reader is brought into the search for Narnia’s heir to
the throne, Prince Rilian, who has disappeared while pursuing vengeance against
a serpent that killed his mother. Much could be written about the powerful
message conveyed by the story of Rilian’s subsequent bondage and deliverance,
but it is a different aspect of the story that first grabbed hold of me.
In
my late twenties, after our second child was born, I struggled with severe
postpartum depression and mysterious autoimmune issues. Fear and hopelessness
became a crippling feature of my day to day struggle. During this time, I began
to reread The Silver Chair, in which
a kinder and wiser Eustace Scrubb returns to Narnia with a schoolmate, Jill
Pole, for whom Narnia is entirely new. As I read through Eustace and Jill’s
adventure, a quest to find the missing Prince Rilian, Jill’s fears felt almost
too real. At one point, Jill, Eustace and their trusty travel companion
Puddleglum are forced to enter a cave to escape from giants who would like to
eat them for dinner. They end up sliding down a slope into utter darkness. Bruised
and bloody, Jill lands at the bottom with no idea whether her companions have
survived. She fears she is trapped and alone. Her despair is palpable.
The darkness was so complete that it
made no difference at all whether you had your eyes open or shut. There was no
noise. And that was the very worst moment Jill had ever known in her life.
Jill’s
story brought me to a place that was the very depiction of my state of
depression and fear. At that moment, it was so terrifyingly real that I had to
stop reading. I didn’t have the courage to go on. I prayed. I begged. I asked
God to lift the darkness and let me move forward.
Eventually, after discussing with my therapist the
somewhat unusual panic induced by a children’s book, I was able to pick up
where I left off. Jill and her companions carry on with the adventure but are
now trapped in a murky underworld. Again, Jill’s narrative feels like my own.
On approaching a dark, narrow cave through which she and the others must crawl,
she exclaims, “I can’t go in there, I can’t! I can’t! I won’t!” But with the
encouragement of the others, she makes it through.
Throughout the story, Jill and Eustace are repeatedly
faced with situations that seem insurmountable. They have a choice. They could
certainly give up on the adventure altogether, or they can trust in the one who
placed the adventure before them and proceed, one step at a time, with the hope
that there is a purpose to the struggle and that they will once again step into
the bright spaciousness of Narnia. As their wise companion Puddleglum reminds them when they begin to question the
path they have taken, “There are no
accidents. Our guide is Aslan.”
Indeed, Aslan’s plan involves redemption and deliverance.
Spoiler alert: The quest to find Prince Rilian is successful. He is found in Underland
and delivered from his ten-year captivity. But for me, the real beauty of this
story is that as Jill is delivered from her fears, she is used by Aslan to
deliver Rilian from his bondage. She is described in the final chapters as a “conqueror,”
a “deliverer,” and a “damsel of high courage.” And it is Jill who overcomes her
fears to poke her head through a hole that turns out to be the exit from
Underland. She is the one who ushers the party out of darkness and back into Narnia.
After their Narnian adventure, Aslan sends Jill and
Eustace back to their old school in England where they once again must face all
their everyday fears, including bullies who had sent them running from school
before their journey to Narnia. But Jill and Eustace are not the same children
they were before. They are changed, and Aslan allows them to return to school
and briefly appear as the warriors they have become, with glittering clothes
and weapons, courageous and intimidating to their foes. It is a glorious glimpse
of who we become when we say yes to the adventure with all its challenges, struggles
and triumphs. We are never left the same.
It took me several years to eventually step out of the
darkness and discover the spacious place that God prepared for me. I can look
back and see that He has indeed been my guide throughout it all. There is
always more with God, and I look forward to what lies ahead. When I look at my
life now, I hardly recognize the person I was before. The struggle, the
darkness, it all had a purpose. I have embraced my adventure, and I can delight
when God uses me to help lead others into freedom. As Galatians 5:1 tells us, “It
is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” When we step into freedom, we are
free to live our God-given adventure. Buckle up for the ride!